we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
