How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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