you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
