Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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