you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
