Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
