i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
