I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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