I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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