Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well you can't waste a boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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