Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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