wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
