I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
