I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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