we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
