Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
