I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
