the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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