My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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