I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
