I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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