Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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