i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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