Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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