this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
