You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
