when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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