Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
