Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
