It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
