No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize