Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
