oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
