there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
