it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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