he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
