I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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