Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Text me some of your sweat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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