Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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