I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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