for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
