i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
