Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
