Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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