Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
