She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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