Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
did you just send me my own nude
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
