if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize