I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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