I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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