he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
