dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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