dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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