Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
