I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
