A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
