Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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