i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
