he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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