my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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