She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
