well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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