i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
