do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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