I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize