Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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