you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
