Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's shark week go big or go home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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