It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
