Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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