Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
