This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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