When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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