So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
