I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
