This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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