I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
