Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
