Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
