dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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