Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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