Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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